Big Step

I’ve always wanted to travel. I’ve always wanted to see new places. I’ve always wanted to try something new. But I didn’t do any of those when I had chances because I was scared. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know how to make it happen. I’d be looking at photos from friends and family, travel blogs and think, someday I’ll be there and I’ll be seeing those places with my own eyes. But I made no step towards that dream. I waited.

But I realized my fear of not doing anything with my life was greater than my comfort zone so I decided. I needed to  muster that courage if I wanted to make those dreams happen. (I’m so lazy, that’s my problem as well.) I can be determined, organized and brave if I really wanted to. So many things I could do if I really put my mind to it. Other people were able to accomplish those things, why can’t I?

I may have been unable before, but now I’m finally taking the time and effort to do it. I feel like, finally, I’m making use of my life. I feel like a late bloomer but I tell myself it doesn’t really matter because it’s better late than never. I’m ready to live and ready to see the world!

(Also, I know I haven’t been here for more than year. There’s really nothing to say, except that I’ve devoted the past year to mostly just working. Nothing else. Hence this wake up call that I should be doing something else besides being a zombie.)

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You Know Nothing, Jon Snow

Disclaimer: this is not a Game of Thrones post. Sorry, I just had to use that phrase from Ygritte.

As I write this, I am sitting on my bed with my laptop on a bed table and I just had to ask myself this, why do we put ourselves into so much misery in the first place when we could have avoided it initially? Sometimes a few minutes of happiness and self satisfaction isn’t worth it when you know what’s coming anyway. But do we think about consequences before hand? No. Because we just do it anyway and pray to God it doesn’t end up with bad results. Cross-the-bridge-when-you-get-there kind of mentality. And then kick ourselves mentally for not listening to the good conscience later on. And yes, wish we could turn back time. (Unfortunately, we’re just not there yet.)

I just can’t believe I’ve put myself again in this position for the third time. And here I thought I was a smart girl. I have no discipline. I need to reign in my impulses. It’s so hard! It’s so hard because I know next time I might give in again with what I think I want versus what I need to do. I want to cry so hard for myself because I can be really foolish. History will keep repeating itself until you learn the lesson.

Harriette, just stop.

Good customer service, Chowking!

So, I was having diarrhea a few days back after the buffet dinner and drinking Soju with friends the week before. Alcohol doesn’t sit well with me at all. I’m not really a drinker. I was really hungry and I couldn’t eat properly. I was so scared my stomach would suddenly rebel if I do eat. I was at work and I don’t want to have bouts of nasty diarrhea while I’m at the office. Why I still went to work that day escapes me when I should have stayed at home and called in sick. :-/

On my way home, I dropped by Chowking to take out lomi and their Chinese styled fried chicken (they’re just really good!). I was starving! I hurried home so I can play something on my laptop while I pig out. I was done with my chicken when lo and behold, when I opened the bowl of lomi, it was all vegetables and egg! It took me a while to process what was wrong and what was missing. My noodles were nowhere to be seen. I was sad and disappointed more than I was angry because I was so hungry and I just don’t have the energy left to put emotion into my missing noodle. I remembered that they usually put in contact numbers in the receipt. I found it and text messaged the number for feedback. I just described my order and said I was so disappointed. Jeff was even more upset than I was! :-p He hates bad food service with fury. (Oh, I also posted on Facebook, heh).

Fast forward to tomorrow. I don’t usually check my phone when I’m at the office. It’s not allowed in the production room so I keep it in my locker. When I got out at 5PM, I was surprised to find a few miscalls and a message from someone that says the call was from Chowking. I messaged them back to apologize for not answering the call. About half an hour later, they called again and asked for the details on yesterday’s order so they can track it. The guy on the phone also said that he would like to apologize on their behalf for the bad service. I said it’s alright. I was already pacified by the fact that they were making the effort. I was surprised, however, when he asked for my address and told me he’d send another lomi once they’ve finished tracking my order.

When I got home, I’ve already forgotten all about it until my father mentioned that I have another lomi from Chowking on the table! If you haven’t noticed, lomi is my absolute favorite. I was really happy to see they fulfilled their word and they made it up to me! I definitely didn’t expect a reply. I expected to be ignored! Aaaannnd it’s way better than yesterday! I thought they sent me another chicken meal (wishful thinking, haha!) but they sent a bag of Chicharap instead! I’m not complaining, my tummy is definitely happy. 😀

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Good job, Chowking! I will stay loyal. Definitely A+!

My self-esteem took a hit today.

I’m kind of feeling a little down today. Or you know… maybe a lot. My audited work from yesterday had such a low accuracy, it’s frustrating. I think sometimes whether I’m just not good enough, I don’t know. :-/ They’re hitting the target, why can’t I? I’ve been distracted the whole day, double checking my charts even though my mind is wandering elsewhere. Motivation is hard to come by.

I hate myself sometimes. I’m too self-righteous. I want all things equal. It’s hard for me to let go of things my life is better letting go. Like someone not doing their work, someone getting credit for something they didn’t do, etc. I dislike it, although not concerning me directly, I can’t sit still and concentrate for long enough until I stop and tell myself to forget it. This is also one of the reasons why I didn’t take that promotion. I’m a little too sensitive and I admit to being a control freak. :-S

Anyway, I’ve been to places lately. I’m yet to finish compiling my holy week pics and Tagaytay pics. At last, something better to talk about in my next entry even though it’s a late post! 😀

Happy Day of Valor!

Hello! It’s been a long, long while! In summary though, I’ve been employed and was busy with work ever since. Not that it’s really hectic, but I guess I just forgot to write altogether. It crosses the mind from time to time but I never had the motivation enough or even if I did, I just didn’t work on it. (I’ll remind myself to get rid of this terrible attitude!) Also if you’ve been following my work posts from before, I’m glad to say that I got the work I wanted and I’m even certified!

I’ve stayed at home today, grateful that I wasn’t required to got to work. I’ve done my two weeks worth of laundry! That’s a lot considering the pile in my room was almost waist high. I know, disgusting, and makes me want to cry. 😦 I just don’t have the time and energy.

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This girl Summer.
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Yumi kept running around the whole time.

 

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I don’t know what Pepper is so vigilant about.

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I turned down a promotion at work the other day. I’ve been in training for a few days when I realized this isn’t really what I want. This promotion is actually a little premature; I’ve just been in the company for almost 8 months, I’m not sure I can manage a team yet. I still feel lacking. It’s too early to veer into management; I just want to continue coding and get the most I can out of it. Our training manager asked me, “But when will you be ready?” to which I had no reply. The training assistant conveniently entered the room and distracted the manager so I didn’t have to answer that. When will I be ready?

I’m scared I’d fail considering this is a pretty big account. While I tell myself I’m not ready, at the back of my mind, something is questioning me. What if I just didn’t want the responsibility? The long hours? The commitment? Because I’m pretty easy going at the moment. I feel really immature and directionless in life with my decision but then again, what if I am really not ready and I’m in over my head if I accepted the position? I got so stressed over this last week! Anyway, I’ve made up my mind and I really hope I made the right one. My horoscope for the year says I should grab every opportunity tossed my way. But can I be reckless?

 

All the waiting will pay off.

My head is being split into two as of this post. I’ve taken pain medications, but I can still feel it lurking around the corner, waiting to pounce after the drug loses its effect.

It says on my notification, Happy Blog Anniversary! I didn’t realize I am with WordPress for four years now. More than ten years of intermittent blogging all in all. Pretty amazing, huh?

I don’t know how many times you’ve heard this but God does work in mysterious ways. I was waiting to be called and interviewed by this girl in a company I applied for when my mother messaged me. She was asking me to still try for hospitals as a nurse. I’ve had this burden for a while now. I don’t know how to tell my parents I don’t want to go back to the hospital anymore. Most of my days were spent trying to make ends meet. To make what I want to do meet with what they wanted me to do. Months I spent brooding in frustration and self-pity. Anyway, as much as I was stressed over what I should say to her, I kept my head and told her everything. I was never good at confrontations and my mother and I aren’t close as to what you’d expect mothers and daughters to be. I’m a difficult child. They chose this for me and I never asked for anything in return just that now, let me choose and trust me to make the right decision. All this over a text message. I felt a thorn removed from my side.

I don’t want to jinx it but I may be given a break now. I’m waiting, waiting, waiting all this time. Keeping your hopes up and being let down over and over again was torture. But it’s going to pay off, I can feel it. I haven’t felt as sure as I have with anything before. It felt like my life that was put on pause and can now be played again.

My only enemy now is my impatience.

Hormones.

I’m lonely a lot but… aren’t we all?

I’m waiting. Still waiting for that ray of sunshine. Most days I spend my time wondering what have I been doing. Have I taken a wrong turn somewhere along the way? The only thing I keep repeating to myself to get me through bleak days is that, someday I will be where I am supposed to be and all this will be worth it.

If there is a lesson to be learned, what is it so I can move on? Maybe the only reason I’m still waiting is because I haven’t learned it yet.