So you know, I was able to bottle my frustrations for the past few weeks with the help of TV shows and a little reading. The unfortunate thing about TV shows and books however, is that they end or you’d have to wait for another installment which might take a while. I finished watching Being Human episodes two days ago and I’ve immediately kinda lost my sense of living.
I’m back to impatiently waiting for that job offer I’m not even sure I’m going to get. It’s been almost two months and I’m still hoping. Crazy, right? All the negative stuff I’ve been trying to avoid comes exploding out. It gets lonely a lot.
I have half a mind to quit all social networking stuff. Why? Seeing people I know getting somewhere, fulfilling dreams, happy faces, going out of town and seeing places makes me feel more and more like a failure while I sit and wait here at home for my ray of sunshine. It made me think about different decisions I made in life and how that worked out for me in relation to my current disposition. I found it unsatisfactory, to say the least. Nearly four and twenty in a few days, I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished much.
Being an adult scares me a lot. I don’t know how to do… things. I realized lately that I’m a pretty clever person. Not in a way to be taken as a point of pride, but I usually get what I want the easy ways. Add that to my poor sense of commitment, I have a hard time sticking with something until the end. I haven’t tried going to war for something I really want. I’m such a brat.