Nightmares

There’s been so much clutter and negativity in my life recently that the bad vibes are starting to get to me and what I would like right now is to get rid of it. Really get rid of it. It’s not good. I definitely don’t feel good.

I’ve been having this really, really weird dreams. No, nightmares in fact. And it’s not really detailed but it’s really violent and involved killing people. Please don’t think I’m a bad person! I am really pulling my hair out because I don’t know where they are coming from and I want them to just go away. I don’t want to feel bad about myself– I mean, bad in a scary kind of way because I’m having dreams that has to do with killing, but I kind of understand that they must be from all the negativity that is going on with my life. I need to get them out and fix my brain STAT. Am I going mental?

When I get home from the hospital, there’s really not much time to do anything else besides get cleaned up and sleep. It may just be me because I’m lazy as well as I am very tired but the latter sounds better. My room is a complete mess with piles of clothes fresh from laundry stacked on my bed. I haven’t had time or the motivation to tidy them up. Also, a lot of little things that I just put on one corner because I don’t have any idea where to place them, you know? Notebooks, keys, cards, you name it. I am a control freak, but I am a messy girl sometimes too. And I hate it. I only get time to tidy up on weekends– wait, I don’t have weekends. Well, only on my off days from the hospital. Then I have the entire week to mess everything up again, yeah.

Anyway, it’s about 10PM where I am right now and the boyfriend hasn’t called me yet. I’ve been waiting for like, 30mins. already. I’m going to try and be productive and de-clutter a bit and see if it improves my mood a little. Bye!

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