Socially Awkward

Here’s to hoping that doctor I’ve been crushing on doesn’t stumble on this blog by accident (which is highly unlikely, I know, considering I don’t even know his name) or my boyfriend for that matter. I have proven to myself how socially awkward and obvious I am.

I was eating lunch with my co-trainees yesterday when this said doctor walked by. I unknowingly looked up and our eyes met but I quickly looked away. Partly by surprise, partly because I don’t know what to do. Should I smile? Should I say hi? In my panic, I did nothing. Hours after said incident, I was already mentally kicking myself at how awkward and lame everything turned out to be. Not only did I look like I’m a snob, I’m way too obvious.

I know it’s lame how I don’t even know his name or anything but I saw him first during our ER rotation. He asked for my name and I kind of helped him with the patients he was assigned to at the OB-Gyne. Amazingly, he remembered my name because really, I don’t expect him too, especially when I’m not the type to stand out in a group of girls. Since then it’s casual “hi, ma’am.” or “hello, why are you still in the ER? Where’s your next rotation?” kind of thing. And every time, I feel like a high school girl crushing on some boy from a distance who doesn’t know what to do and jumps at the littlest gesture or greeting.

Anyway, so I was aware he was out there in the same place as we were and I needed to return the plates I’ve used for lunch. I didn’t know exactly where he was lounging but apparently I walked past him and his friend because when I was already walking back, he said hi again and I jumped internally at the greeting. I managed a meek “Oh, hello po Doc!” and again, quickly turned away. I vaguely hear him saying or shouting back at me where was my area, but during that time I wasn’t so sure if he was talking to me since there were other people coming. I didn’t want to impose so I didn’t look back. Something I honestly regret and I want to kick myself.

I could have just smiled and the whole thing doesn’t have to feel like a nightmare, but of course, knowing me, smiling is a task even. Not that I don’t want to, just that I’m not sure if it will be reciprocated. I am socially awkward, I therefore conclude and I hate it. Not only am I sure that I came off as unfriendly, I’m sure he’d think twice about greeting me again next time. 😦


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